


Written in the Stars

by When



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-11-30 17:40:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11468451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/When/pseuds/When
Summary: This was the third time she had tried to tell him.  The third time she hesitated.  The third time she asked him to repeat something she already knew to cover her mistake.  Because she was a typical Miralukan Jedi.  Because Jedi Knight Silla Benee was typical in every way. Except for the fact that she was hopelessly in love with Obi Wan Kenobi.I own nothing but my OC, Silla





	1. Aries

Jedi Knight Silla Benee was a typical Miralukan woman. Force sensitive just like the rest of her people, she could not see just like the rest of her people, she invested herself in the Jedi order like the rest of her people, she was cautious and everything she did was deliberate just like the rest of her people. Silla Benee was typical in every possible way.   
“Silla? Silla! There you are! I have been traversing all Coruscant looking for you! Have you packed yet, we need to leave as soon as possible for Naboo.” The voice of a man only a few years older than herself reached her ears from her 186 degrees.   
“Yes, I’m ready Obi Wan, I was unaware of where the transport ship would be located so I figured it would be easier to wait in the loading bay for someone to find me.” Silla responded in the even, low tone she was accustomed to.   
It was considered atypical for a Miralukan, especially a Jedi, to speak loudly. Because of their inability to see in the regular manner, their ears were highly sensitive to loud noises and they avoided them at all costs. Instead they chose to “see” using the force, it was why there were so many Miralukan people in the Jedi Order. They had such a strong connection with it that often, in special cases, they really could see the world as others could. Silla Benee was just such a Jedi, she could have easily made her way to the ship on her own, and she figured Obi Wan knew this, but she wanted to catch him before they left, there was something she wanted- no needed, to say.   
“Obi Wan may I speak to you on the way to the plane?” They had begun walking, heading 27 degrees in the direction of the ship.  
“Well I wasn’t expecting to walk in silence,” She could tell he was smiling, she could hear the amusement in his voice and could sense his genial attitude in the aura he gave off. “Please Silla, what is that you wanted to say?”  
Silla was staring in his direction. He was standing at her 95 degrees. She could sense everything about him; his familiarity was one of the things she appreciated the most, he smelled of morning mist and cold metal, the sound of his voice always managed to send a sense of calm rippling through her, and the way his force appeared to her brought her joy like nothing else could.  
“Silla? Are you quite alright?” She could hear a slight edge in his voice- concern.  
“Yes. I…I was wondering if you would mind reviewing our mission aloud one more time? I would hate to forget something.” She hesitated. Again.   
“Yes of course. If I remember correctly…” He continued to explain their latest mission, one she had full comprehension of.  
This was the third time she had tried to tell him. The third time she hesitated. The third time she asked him to repeat something she already knew to cover her mistake. Because she was a typical Miralukan Jedi. Because Jedi Knight Silla Benee was typical in every way. Except for the fact that she was hopelessly in love with Obi Wan Kenobi.


	2. Taurus

Silla stood next to Obi Wan as they descended on to the surface of Naboo. Anakin Skywalker and his padowan Ahsoka Tano stood behind them along with several Storm Troopers that would make up the protective detail for Senators Padme Amidala and Jar Jar Binks. The two were set to make an important presentation to the Republic Senate on the relationship between the surface and underworld of Naboo that the Separatists would much rather keep at odds; the suggestion was made for four Jedi and four troopers to keep them safe during this pivotal point in Galactic history and the Jedi Council happily agreed. The Jedi chosen were those who already had a positive relationship with the two senators, though word around the temple was that Anakin requested to be put on the detail, citing that as his reasoning, the others were chosen using his logic after Master Yoda agreed.   
Silla wasn’t one to make assumptions or start rumors, however, being close friends with Obi Wan while Anakin was training under him, she’d grown familiar with the younger man and could think of a few other reasons he might want to serve with Senator Amidala. Regardless of such things, they were here now and they had a job to do, but it was hard to stop a smile coming to her face when she felt his force signature flare the moment Padme came into view.   
She allowed Obi Wan to cover the pleasantries as they left the shift and simply smiled and bowed when Padme greeted her with a soft “Senator Amidala” as her only response. She instead focused on the exchange between Anakin and Padme, seeking a confirmation of her suspicions. All life gives off a force signature, which varies between species and is of course stronger by proximity, Jedi and other force users give off a much stronger and more defined signature which made it easier for Miralukans to “see” them. However, even with a comparatively diminished signature Padme Amidala clearly felt the same surge of joy and admiration that had rushed through Anakin when he saw her. The two were being very professional, and perhaps to most it appeared that they were simply acquaintances working together again after time apart, but she could see the pull in the force as their energies yearned for each other, the two were clearly meant for one another and it was a shame they had to hide such a rare and beautiful blessing like a soul mate. She vaguely wondered if anyone else had figured it out and sent a silent prayer into the force that their hearts be allowed to remain as one.   
Silla never understood the Jedi philosophy on love. With all her years of training and with her unbridled devotion to the Jedi Order it was the only thing she could not comprehend. She asked as Padowan but quickly learned not to at the reprimands she would receive from her Master and other instructors. Now as a Master herself, she read texts and meditated hoping to find the answer. So far she had gathered that feeling a strong emotion of any kind distracted a Jedi from their protocol and ruined the sense of calm and balance they sought to achieve. Love could cause wars, start turmoil, people did incomprehensible things in the name of love and she could understand how those things did not fit into the Jedi way of life. But love was not a bad thing, and if someone like Anakin, a dedicated Jedi, found his soul mate, surely, they should be allowed to be together, what harm could it really do?   
She was brought from her thoughts when another being entered within the fields of her force sight, she frowned until she recognized the signature to be Representative Binks from the Gungan region of Naboo. She was always unsettled by his presence, something in his signature felt off, but she’d never met another Gungan so she could not tell if it was within the limits of normal for his people. She greeted him with a smile before she felt Obi Wan place a hand on her shoulder as he lead them inside.   
She truly appreciated that about Obi Wan, how considerate he was to make sure she was aware of changes in their environment. She could see well enough to function, she could see the shapes of all life forms- from plants to Jedi, but the non-living were tricky and took a lot of effort. For the remainder she had to strain her sense to tell if she was approaching stairs, if there was a chair nearby, if there was a door to open, and even more difficult- how to open it. For such situations, she had to try to find organic material within the space around her to remain grounded, like looking for context when deciphering someone’s intent. But it helped to have Obi Wan with her, to give her discreet warnings if they were going to start moving, if they were approaching steps or changing directions, he would even let her know of any obstacles she might need to overcome within each new setting. She could truly ask for no greater friend.   
In return she was able to provide a special insight that most others would be unaware of. Her sight was not limited to her direct and peripheral vision, but rather extended on all sides of her which is why she referred to everything based on a 360 degree circle. Because she had extensive training in the force, she could even see farther than most of her fellow Miralukans, able to see up to two miles in all directions and because she cannot see inorganic material she could see through structures as well- though figures appeared quite blurry. She was also able to better discern intent within others. All Jedi could use the force to “read” beings within the force, and through Jedi “mind tricks” they could compel individuals to divulge any information. However, for Miralukan people this was a skill that occurred naturally and grew much stronger through training. We can see the nature and the intent of people through their force signatures which change when they experience any strong emotion. It was brought to her attention once that it was difficult to “read” her, and she assumed it was because she was better at shielding her emotions which is something commonly taught in her culture.   
“Silla,” Obi Wan called her to attention. “You and Ahsoka will remain with Senator Amidala in her quarters with two troopers stationed outside. Anakin and I will be covering Representative Binks with the other two troopers with us. I will be running point so if there are any issues or questions you can direct them to me, understood?” He was facing her, so she turned as well.   
“I understand Master Kenobi. Ahsoka, Senator Amidala, we should take a moment to settle in before dinner tonight and the meeting tomorrow.” She gave a small wave toward the other squadron, collecting her team and heading for the doors.


	3. Cancer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Violence in this chapter may be upsetting to some readers!

So, the mission hadn’t gone exactly as planned.

The base idea was to have four guards on Padme and four on Binks until they could convene again before the Senate meeting and combine in to one large squadron protecting both simultaneously. Six of them were to be stationed outside in the corridor and two would remain with the Representatives in the main council great hall. Unfortunately, no one would be able to accompany Padme when she was presenting from one of the floating platforms before the council, the best they could do if something were to happen is to find another platform and join her floating in no man’s land until she could be brought back to safety. In a worst-case scenario, they could attempt to use the force to bring her back, but the force was not something to be so heavily relied on in a life or death situation.

Thankfully, this would only occur under the worst circumstances, for the most part they expected an assassin (if one was coming) to try to attack via the corridor leading into one of the council chambers. In addition to their own private guard, the security on Naboo, and especially in the council hall, would be hard to get past, and with their help any intruder would be dispatched quickly. In theory, the only thing that would cause any true danger would be if the Separatists were to launch an attack on the planet itself, something they would never dream of doing with Naboo in such a secure area of Republic space.

Theoretically they would be safe.

Theoretically everything would run smoothly and they would be on their way home soon.

Yes, theory was all well and good, maybe she had theoretically been injured. Theoretically she had ordered the others to leave her behind when she was injured and defenseless. Theoretically she had been captured by General Grievous and was being taken to Count Dooku for interrogation. This was all theory, of course.

She remembered what had happened clear as day.

The representatives had made their way indoors with Anakin and Obi Wan trailing them inside. Obi Wan had placed her in command of the outside squadron with the orders to alert him of any issues and to check in every fifteen minutes. She hadn’t even made it past five before the screaming began.

The screams were like lightning, fast and attention grabbing, alerting the security force as well as their team inside . The bombs were the thunder, following the initial shock of the invasion force, their great cacophony roared and deafened the citizens below. Blaster fire became deadly rain and it would seem no one was spared.

“Longshot! Thunder! Tell me what you see, I need to call this in. Ahsoka call the Republic as well as the Jedi Council, tell them we’re going to need back up, yesterday!” She barked orders, not even bothering to call Obi Wan, instead choosing to bang on the door until it was opened by a wide-eyed Jedi.

“What in blazes is going on out here? Silla, what…” He didn’t get to finish before blaster fire began to make its way down the hall along with the methodical clanging of droids marching. Silla jumped at the sudden assault, moving closer to Obi Wan and pushing him into the door frame where it was relatively safe. She noticed the shooting was coming from both angles and realized they were going to be trapped.

“Obi Wan get Anakin and the Representatives to safety, take Ahsoka with you, myself and the troopers will make a path and join you by the ships.” He wasn’t given much time to consider this as the blaster fire increased. She gave him a light shove back in the direction of the great hall and turned around to do as she had said.

“Ahsoka prepare to follow Masters Kenobi and Skywalker, do not lose them, make sure the Representatives stay safe at all costs.” The young Padowan nodded, blocking the entrance to the door until the others arrived to make their escape.

“Men you’re with me, our goal is to make sure they get out of this building safely, whoever makes it can meet them at the ship. It’s been a pleasure serving with you.” She gave them a solemn nod and was met with a chorus of “Yes sirs” from around her.

She forgot how much she hated fighting droids until they were already on her. She couldn’t see them since they were made from inorganic material and while she was in a fight she couldn’t be bothered to concentrate long enough to figure them out, not if she wanted to live. Instead she was forced to rely on her knowledge of the environment around her and the noise they made and sense of heat from the blaster fire. She didn’t let that intimidate her, she’d been fighting them for years now and was accustomed to the way they moved and the limits they had. She was a Jedi Knight, they didn’t stand a chance.

By the time she was making her way down the airstrip to the ship, they had lost one trooper and another was injured, she was starting to get out of breath and knew she would have a headache in the morning. She vaguely heard Obi Wan calling her name from a distance, but she was caught off guard by the blinding light signature and sudden force of a sabre clashing with hers. She had to tuck and roll her way past her assailant quickly before she regained her bearings and recognized the creature that stood before her.

General Grievous had been a thorn in her side since the start of the war. Besides the fact that he was the general of the most powerful droid army in the galaxy, that he was known as the Jedi Hunter, that he collected lightsabers from every Jedi he killed, and that he was notoriously impossible to beat in battle, Silla had a very particular issue with him. She couldn’t _see_ him.

Or at least not all of him. She could see where he kept his vital organs, and she could see where his brain and face were behind the mask that had been described to her. But being able to see only those and not the rest of his body was infinitely frustrating. Her mind automatically locked on to those portions of his body and distracted her from the cybernetics that made up the rest. She could also see the lightsabers he wielded but to her it looked like two floating masses of and four long glowing lines flailing around with no rhyme or reason. It also didn’t help that he moved unlike any other creature in the galaxy, twisting, turning, using all four arms and both his legs interchangeably, her sight was completely useless against him. She usually deferred to Obi Wan when Grievous was around, choosing instead to protect him from the droids that typically accompanied their general.

Unfortunately, in this fight it was her, two functioning troopers, and one unconscious one. She knew Thunder had died inside when a droid managed to get past the line of defense they built to lead the others to safety. Now Longshot was supporting their injured comrade, Ironheart, and Jax was by her side, doing his best to keep his injured friend safe. The ship was waiting for them about twenty feet behind them, but the droids were closing in fast and if they didn’t leave soon they would all be in deep trouble. She sighed knowing what needed to be done, and knowing she would have more than a headache tomorrow if she survived it.

“Go, Longshot Go! Take Ironheart and get to the ship.” She knew he wouldn’t argue that order, he was a good man who only ever wanted to see his team safe.

Now that it was just her and Jax she knew this would be harder.

“Jax go! Make sure they get to the ship and stay there. Tell Obi Wan that I have a plan, but that he needs to get that ship airborne now!” She continued to dodge Grievous as best she could, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to put her plan in to action until she knew they were all safe.

“Sir I’m not leaving you behind! We can make it back to the ship together but I won’t go without you.” She had been expecting this. Jax was one of her oldest friends, she had been his team’s commander since the start of the war, Jax and Longshot were the last of their original team and Tatooine would freeze before she lost either of them.

“That’s an order Jax! You get back to the ship now, have them take off and head over that building on my 87 degrees. I’ll meet you there, but I need to know everyone is on board and ready to go.” She hated giving him orders, she knew he had to obey them, and didn’t like lording her station above him, but in this case, they didn’t have time to argue. He nodded stiffly and with a few final blasts from his phaser, he turned and ran.

She could hear Obi Wan shouting at her, and knew he would only become more upset when he finally realized what her plan was.

“Just GO! I have a plan, trust me!” She would regret this later. Not the plan itself, but using the word trust so lightly, she knew he would think of it as lying and that she’d be chewed out when she saw him again. When she saw him next, she would clarify that she did have a plan, and that he should trust her, she just knew he wouldn’t like her plan and opted to keep it vague to save him the worry. She would tell him when she saw him again.

If.

If she saw him again.

Steeling herself for what was to come, she turned to face General Grievous head on.  
“I know you,” his voice grated on her very soul. Just another reason why he bothered her it would seem. “you’re Kenobi’s shadow. You fight by his side and yet where is he now? Running. Like the coward I know him to be.” She’d have to make a list when she got back of all the ways he bothered her.

If she got back.

“He has more important things to worry about. As do you.” With this she swung at where she saw his face to be, and the fight was under way.

She was already exhausted from the fight to get this far but she knew she had a long way to go before her plan became successful. She parried a strike from her 76 degrees, and bending back to avoid a swing from the 23. She allowed herself to fall flat on her back when the 23 moved up to 42 before she rolled back on to her shoulders and throwing her weight forward so she landed crouched on the balls of her feet. He swung down directly in front of her and then completely perpendicular from behind, she moved her own saber in front of her and then ducked under her own arm and was now poised behind him. She centered herself and pushed forward with the force hoping to gain some space between them.

What anyone had failed to mention to her, was that number one: he could also rotate along his midsection to be even with her stomach, that number two: when he did so he could use his lower set of arms as a second set of feet to stabilize himself in case of a force push, and number three: he could still use his upper two arms to completely impale her with his sabers while she was vulnerable. And she'd thought she'd had the upper hand.

For whatever reason, she didn’t experience any pain. She felt nothing as she heard the plane pull away from the ground, gaining too much height for even Grievous to follow. She barely noticed as Grievous’ monstrous laugh turned into a frustrated scream as the ship became further and further from his reach. Vaguely she heard other starships arrive to combat the Separatists’ fleet. She didn’t notice anything until, in a fit of rage, Grievous kicked her in the stomach and on to her back.

She couldn’t find the strength to hold back a pained shriek and allowed her body to curl in on itself, trying to find a way to make it stop. The pain was unbearable, unimaginable as she writhed in agony on the ground. She reached a shaking hand up to her abdomen to assess the injury and instead was met only by two gaping holes in her torso simultaneously bleeding and smoking from where the lightsaber cauterized her flesh. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes and her breath came out in short gasps broken up by spasmed coughing which only made the pain worse. She didn’t notice Grievous had approached her until he lifted her up by the collar of her robes.

“You!” She managed a weak smile. “Me.” “This was your plan all along? To sacrifice yourself so my targets could escape?” His rasping voice was the least of her worries now. “I was hoping I would defeat you and we wouldn’t have to escape at all, this was more of a plan B, if I’m being honest.” She knew now was not the time for joking, and she assumed that pain ridden hysteria was the only thing keeping her awake at the moment.

“You insolent worm! You will regret this day and every day after. I have something special in mind for Kenobi’s shadow.” She could barely hear his voice, whatever adrenaline she had before had long since faded and she was barely clinging to consciousness.

She must’ve been completely delirious because she could have sworn someone was calling her name until the world around her faded to nothing.


	4. Leo

She was going to die. She was slowly bleeding from open wounds, lying on the cold steel floor of General Grievous’ destroyer with no hope for rescue and only the prospect of further pain ahead of her. She wondered how long it had been and how much longer she had left. Her mind was scattered and hazy, she couldn’t focus for long and she couldn’t keep her thoughts in order.

She decided to try meditating, it was a technique taught to all Jedi and had always helped her to find peace and clarity in the past. She couldn’t bring herself to move physically, so she settled for simply regulating her breathing as she worked to clear her mind.

She listened to her thoughts for a while, now that her mind was free of the pain that had been clouding it.

Perhaps she had known she was going to die on this mission all along. It could be her time, she was going to have to die eventually, why not now? Why not, with the knowledge that she completed her last mission. At least her friends were safe. At least he was safe.

Maybe that’s why she’d tried to tell him. Before they left what feels like years ago now. Maybe that’s why she’d felt the need to confess everything, right before they left, somewhere in her mind she knew she wouldn’t get the chance again.

Maybe she should’ve.

Or maybe the force knew she was not destined to die here. Maybe she had a chance to make out alive. To see him again, to be with him. Or at least to be by his side for as long as she could.

She would get the chance again.

Or maybe she would die, and he would never know, and that is how it was destined to be.

The force was a fickle and ever-changing entity, unsure of itself until the last possible moment. Or maybe it knew exactly what it was doing, perhaps this was all part of some elaborate plan and she would only find the answers when she was ready. She wasn’t ready yet.

She was getting nowhere with this line of thinking. Silla could feel the pain slowly coming back as she fought to stay focused. Deciding to truly meditate, she began to focus again. She pushed past her pain, past her fear of death, past the love she kept buried in her heart, she cleared out her memories of the academy, her missions, her master, until she found something that truly brought her peace. The only memory she possessed of her life before the Jedi Order, a memory of her family.

She had lived on the planet Alpheridies, her parents had grown up on Miraluka but after their species were forced to leave, they joined most of her people and made a life for themselves on their new home world, the only home she knew before the Jedi Order found her.

Her father’s name was Gusirr and her mother’s was Eeyil, she had an older brother Rovzen and a younger brother Tomec. All Miralukans are force sensitive, it’s an ability required for their people to function in the world around them, the Jedi visited often to pick up potential candidates, however, most were never chosen to become Padawan, instead remained as temple keepers or left the order altogether when they weren’t chosen. Eventually, Jedi stopped looking on her planet for children they believed could become true Jedi and only returned if they heard a child was showing enhanced abilities. Silla was one such child. Her parents believed that becoming a Jedi was a great honor, they were thrilled when they found out that both Silla and her younger brother Tomec revealed enhanced abilities.

She remembered the day before the Jedi came to take her and her brother away better than any moment in her life. Her mother braided her hair and bought her a new overcoat, in case it was cold off-world, Silla had never even left their town before. She made her promise to look after her brother, even though in the Jedi Order you were supposed to abandon all ties to your previous life. Her mother packed her a small backpack, with her stuffed doll and favorite blanket, things she desperately wanted to keep with her.

That night her family gathered on the back field of their home and sat in the grass watching the sun set and the stars dance until the arrival of the Jedi cruiser at dawn. Silla had been terrified all day, she didn’t want to go, but she couldn’t remember a time in her life that she felt more at peace with herself, her life, and the world around her, than sitting with her family, watching the signatures of the stars fade in and out with the passing of their sun.

She was snapped out of her reverie by the sound of grating metal and the methodical beeping of droid soldiers. She realized she was in worse condition than she thought when she couldn’t focus long enough to understand what they said, and had to be removed from her cell and dragged to another location.

She knew she was in danger, she could hear Grievous speaking to her, but she couldn’t speak- and even if she could, she had no idea what he had said to her and probably wouldn’t have responded correctly anyway.

There was only the vague shape of what was left of him in front of her, the rest of her vision was plunged into complete darkness, she couldn’t even sense the stars. When she was finally losing herself to the pain and darkness, she heard a voice that managed to bring her back. She couldn’t understand it, but she knew the sound lightyears away.

_Obi Wan_

He couldn’t believe what happened. He couldn’t believe her. He couldn’t believe how _utterly stupid_ she had been.

They could have fought Grievous together, like they always had, they could have defeated him together, protected the senators together, escaped together, like always. _They were always together_.

She was his shadow, _no that wasn’t right,_ she didn’t follow him, she was not some poor copy. _She was his partner_. He knew Jedi didn’t work in teams, but they hadn’t been apart for longer than a week since they were knighted, and even as Padawan, they spent every possible moment together. She was his friend. _She was his friend and he’d lost her._

He understood the genius behind her plan, it was unlikely that they would have made a clean getaway from the battle on Naboo. Someone would’ve gotten hurt, the senators, the Padawan Ahsoka, himself or Anakin. Hell, they’d lost two troopers and one was fighting for his life in the hospital as he spoke. She was trying to spare them by sacrificing herself. She was being noble.

“Obi Wan, we need to give our report to the Council and find a way to get her back. We need to hurry, come on!” Anakin, grabbed his arm to get his attention.

He might have said something, to lighten the mood like usual, or asked why his chest hurt so much, ask why he couldn’t breathe. But when he looked at Anakin’s face he realized, _she was his friend too,_ and they didn't have time to spare on his feelings.  

They made their way in to the main deck of the star fighter, he all but ignored the Admiral at the helm, and pushed his way through to the holoscreen in the middle of the room. He called the Jedi Council, ready to give his report and petition to head a rescue mission to save Silla.

_Why did saying her name hurt?_

He felt his temperament slipping as he gave his report, thinking back to the events that had occurred less than an hour ago. Even amongst the Jedi, he was known for his ability to keep a clear head, but now he found himself truly _angry_ for the first time in years. She had been careless to put herself at risk. Anakin had said her actions were noble but…

“She wasn’t noble,” he muttered, mainly to himself as Anakin told his portion of the tale.

“Sorry, what? Did you miss the part where she sacrificed herself so we could escape?” Anakin looked completely taken aback by Obi Wan’s statement, but he pressed on nonetheless.

“Yes, I do recall that happening, but it wasn’t nobility. Someone would have had to stay behind, we’d already lost two and we could have lost the rest of the squadron if we’d stayed to fight. But instead of telling us her plan she volunteered without even giving us a chance to come up with another plan. She didn’t want anyone else to get hurt, so she decided to sacrifice herself. She decided she didn't want to live at the expense of someone else so she decided to be that someone. That’s not selfless, that’s selfish.” It sounded ridiculous, even to him. But he was so _angry_ and he didn’t know what to do. He stormed away from the command center, ignoring Anakin calling after him.

He made his way to an empty room and sat facing the window preparing to meditate, if he could clear his mind he would return to the main deck and help come up with a plan to save Silla. He had to.

Unfortunately, every time he closed his eyes and tried to focus his mind would immediately focus on her. Her smile, her laugh. It was rare for her to laugh, but he could always manage it. What it was like, back when they were young and still training. She had made him a promise, that they would always be together. They shared a strong bond of trust and friendship. He would remember all the moments of joy and excitement they shared together, and then he would remember the fight.

She screamed at him to go, their ship was taking off, the crew around him were shouting orders to leave, while his own squadron demanded they stay and do something to help her. Anything to help her. But then he saw it. Her attention broke for a moment, she was facing him standing behind Grievous, it looked like she might run for them. His heartbeat sped up, and then immediately stopped. Grievous swung around and pierced her torso with one of his sabers and she crumpled to the ground like a ragdoll.

She wasn’t moving.

By the force why _wasn’t she moving_.

He almost thought she had died on the spot until, in a fit of rage, Grievous kicked her in the stomach. He had never heard her make a sound like that. He’d never heard _anyone_ make a sound like that, and frankly, he didn’t want to. The ear-splitting scream she released broke his heart in a way that he didn’t fully understand.

He almost wished she had died, just to avoid that pain.

He forced himself to push the past the memory, he was supposed to be relaxing, focusing, he would be no help to anyone in his current state, and she needed him.

He forged past the memory and deeper into his own mind, ignoring everything, searching for something that would bring him peace, not pain, and…oh.

_Oh_

He found it. A memory, probably aging back ten years. It was himself and Silla, they looked so young, barely older than a Padawan. This had been just after he was knighted, he was following her, she had been a knight for almost three standard years already. And they had been inseparable ever since. Weeks had passed and it seemed impossible to keep them apart, so instead of trying they would be given their first in a long tradition of joint missions.

They had been stationed on Coruscant, on a mission very similar to today, but with a very different outcome. The task of guarding the Senator from Uba II before the planet’s destruction during the war, was rather dull. They were spending time together in their shared living space while they waited for the senator to emerge from his rooms to escort him to the Council hall. He had been meaning to ask her something, but was too afraid to do so. Unfortunately for him, she had always been more in tuned to the force, and could sense his anxiety a lightyear away.

“Obi Wan what is it? And don’t play the fool with me, I know something is bothering you so you might as well tell me what it is.” She wasn’t even facing him and she could tell, instead her face was turned to the window, like she was looking at the stars.

“How does your vision work?” He had asked before, but he still didn’t understand. The force had always been a feeling to him, not something visual like it was for her, he couldn’t seem to comprehend what that meant.

“What? I’ve told you this before. The force appears in a physical form for all living being and I can see-” He sighed in mild frustration.

“No, I-I, I get that, you’ve told me that. But what does it look like, I don’t understand what you actually _see_.” She was facing him now, her attention solely on him.

“I see the force around you, kind of like shapes, I guess? Well how do _you_ see?” She was annoyed at him now, he could tell. But he was honestly just trying to understand it better. Trying to understand _her_ better.

“Well, what do I look like? What do you see when you look at me?” He was curious now, he knew what she looked like, but she had no idea what he looked like. Something suddenly occurred to him.

“Do you know what _you_ look like?” She must have no idea. How odd not to know what you look like to everyone else, he was sure she must be curious.

“If you wanna know what I see just close your eyes and clear your mind.” He did as she said.

He felt her hands on either side of his face, gently cupping his chin, and then felt the presence of her mind brushing up against his. He kept his mind clear and open, allowing her to reach inside to do whatever it was she was doing.

“Now open your eyes.”

He did and was immediately awestruck. Everything around him that he had seen only moments ago had faded to nothing. He could faintly see the figure of the senator in the room next to them, blurry and out of focus. The stars outside the window next to them were brilliant balls of lights, and space no longer seemed so dark. Every inch of it was covered in some shade of this light, various colors with different shades and brightness’s painted the night sky, with each star lighting up brighter than a light sabre. He wondered what those must look like. He was considering taking it out to see for himself when he found himself once again, awestruck.

“Well, do you understand now?” He turned to face Silla, who seemed rather amused with his reactions so far and was dumbstruck.

He’d never been at a loss for words before.

_She was ethereal._

Kneeling in front of him was her figure, but she no longer held the appearance he was used to. He could see the outline of her shape but, if he had thought the stars were bright, they only seemed like fireflies now compared to her brilliance. If stars were fireflies than she was the midday sun on Tatooine.

She was pure light, in hues of purple ranging from deep plum to light lilac until it faded into white light in the space around her. He had never been so overwhelmed by something in his entire life.

_And then it was gone._

The memory was ripped from his mind by the sound of knocking on the door. He stood up and went to answer, pausing slightly before it opened to wipe away a stray tear that had fallen down his cheek. He composed himself as the door opened to reveal Anakin. Before Obi Wan could open his mouth to apologize for his earlier behavior, Anakin waved him aside.

“We’ve been given permission to try to negotiate with General Grievous, once we figure out what he wants, we can come up with a plan to get her back.” Anakin reached out a hand to stop Obi Wan from moving forward.

“Just so you’re aware, Master Tomec Benee has arrived to help in the negotiations for his sister’s release. He isn’t happy.” After he was briefed on what he missed, the two made their way back to the holoscreen to contact the General and find a way to bring their friend home safely.

Obi Wan had always wanted to meet Silla’s brother, but this did not seem like the best way to make a first impression.


	5. Virgo

“You must be Master Tomec, it truly is a pleasure to meet you. It’s a shame it couldn’t be under better circumstances.” Obi Wan was doing his best to maintain his genial attitude but when his eyes found the new arrival he was forced to pause.

Most Miralukan’s looked the same; dark hair and a range of skin tones like most humanoid species. However, Tomec Benee looked more like his sister than Obi Wan had prepared himself for. He had the same straight dark hair, tied back from his face, warm brown skin, and the same exact enraged expression Silla had worn the last time he had done something reckless and pissed her off.

“Hello Master Kenobi, it is my understanding that had you not lost Master Benee we wouldn’t be meeting this way at all. If she weren’t previously engaged at the moment I’m sure she’d love to introduce us. She always speaks highly of you, for reasons that I cannot seem to fathom.” Tomec spoke in a voice that was steady and even and could be mistaken as calm if the burning fury behind his eyes didn’t betray his true emotions.

Anakin was right, Silla’s brother certainly was not happy, especially now with him. To be honest, Obi Wan wasn’t thrilled with himself either. This entire experience made is head hurt, his stomach ache, and his heart clench in a most peculiar way. Just when he was about to respond, the familiar beep of an incoming transmission rang through the main deck.

“It’s an incoming transmission from the Separatist ship that invaded Naboo earlier.” The Admiral called to the Jedi who were standing at the entrance to the command center.

The holographic screen flashed to life and the familiar and unwelcome picture of General Grievous appeared on screen, behind him two droids dragged in an unconscious figure that made the pain in Obi Wan’s body increase tenfold, and caused Tomec’s expression to shift into a full scowl.

“Kenobi, Skywalker, Jedi scum, and Republic fools, I have something that I think might be yours.” With a cold laugh, he grabbed the figure behind him by their hair and dragged them forward to confirm everyone’s worst nightmare.

“Silla!” Tomec cried out when she appeared on screen, Obi Wan could scarcely breathe.

She was held up solely by Grievous’ metal fingers in her hair and she looked like she could barely comprehend what was going on around her. Her jaw was clenched tightly shut, although every few seconds she would let out a low keening sound, like an injured animal. Her face was covered in bruises and a trail of dried blood ran from her hairline down her left cheek. It wasn’t in frame for the video camera to show them, but Obi Wan knew she had a massive injury to her right-side abdomen that had probably gone untreated thus far.

Beside him, he saw Tomec’s figure shake with rage and found himself barely able to hold back the hate and fear that threatened to overtake him.

“Alright Grievous, we see that you have her, tell us what it will take to get her back or we’ll have to force your hand.” Anakin seemed to be the only one able to speak at the moment, a concerning fact in and of itself. It was obvious still, that he was also doing his best to mask his true emotions, rage no doubt being among them.

“Not so fast Kenobi. First requirement of my negotiations, they all go through Kenobi. It is his fault she’s here, isn’t it, he should be given the chance to redeem himself.” Grievous was clearly trying to goad them, laughing at his statement. He couldn’t be sure who exactly Grievous was aiming to piss off or what his long-term goals were, but so far it was working.

“Very well. I can’t exactly say it’s a pleasure to see you again, General Grievous, but I look forward to working with you to ensure the safe return of Master Benee.” It was killing him to stand there and talk to that monster as though his whole world wasn’t falling around him, but he had little choice if he wanted things to go well.

“I’m sure you do. Tell me Obi Wan, how well do you know, what did you call her? Benee? What are you willing to do to get her back?” Grievous’ cold eyes narrowed as he pulled her farther into screen, a low moan was Silla’s only response and Obi Wan began to worry about her health.

“Master Benee and I have worked together since we were Padawan, I would like to see her returned safely, tell me what that will take and I’ll see what I can do.” He didn’t like talking about Silla as if he wouldn’t launch a one man rescue mission to the outer rim to get her back, but he knew the more attachment he expressed, the more the monster would take advantage of his weakness. He would hurt her if it meant getting a rise out of Obi Wan, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself knowing he was the cause of her suffering- or at least more than he already was.

"I don’t think so.”

A scream echoed through the room Grievous was in, transmitting through to the room of onlookers and causing hearts to stop and blood to freeze.  
Obi Wan swallowed thickly, barely able to hold back the raw anger and pain that was violently churning within him. Jedi weren’t supposed to feel emotions like this, he was unused to dealing with them, and knew the only way to make it stop required the three things he did not have access to.

Time.

Quiet.

And Silla.

He always felt better when Silla was nearby. They meditated together, traveled together, they did everything together, she was his partner. She had a knack for making sure he kept a calm and cool head and he relied on her for almost everything. He trusted her more than he trusted himself and to be away from her, knowing, _seeing_ that she was in danger, was destroying him.

The screaming stopped and Grievous turned back to the group, lowering the shock-rod to his side with a malicious laugh.

“I think you’re lying to me. Here’s an idea, tell me the truth or I hurt her, answer without hesitation, without lies, and she might survive this.” Obi Wan met Grievous’ eyes and knew he wasn’t bluffing, he killed Jedi like most people killed mosquitos, Obi Wan had no reason to doubt his intent. Still he was hesitating, trying to think over how to handle a situation when the quiet murmuring of a single name broke him.

“Obi Wan”  
\--------

Silla was struggling to hold back her pain. She didn’t really understand what was happening, the only thing she knew for sure was that every few minutes, at varying intervals, her entire body erupted into bouts of indescribable pain. The memory she had been using to make her way through the pain, the one of her family, had faded into a haze of pain and she knew she would have to find a new one if she wanted to live.

She searched through her memory for something strong enough and settled on Obi Wan specifically. She could hear his voice, and that was lending her enough strength to stop screaming, but she need more. She found a new memory, one that she’d almost forgotten and that now filled her body with a sense of calm she hadn’t felt in what felt like days.

They were on an assignment together as Jedi Knights, currently camped out on planet she’d long forgotten the name of, staring up at the night sky around them. She had recalled something Obi Wan had said to her on one of their previous missions, and it had been bugging her since. Just like she had a knack for figuring out that something was bothering Obi Wan, he could always read her like a book.

“Silla, do I have to ask or are you going to tell me?” She heard him shift and figured he was looking at her now. She shuffled uncomfortably, and considered lying but decided against it.

“It’s about something you said, on our last mission together…” She let herself trail off, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

“Did I offend you by asking, were you not supposed to show me your vision, did I hurt you, oh Silla, I’m so sorry-” He was rambling, and she decided to cut him off before he worked himself into a frenzy.

“No Obi Wan, none of that. Just-Just… never mind. It’s not important. What are you planning to do on our next recess, visit home?” She tried to change the subject, but she knew Obi Wan wouldn’t settle for that.

“No, nope, tell me, what do you want to ask me?” He poked the side of her face, and with a sigh, she swatted his hand away. She rolled over to face away from him before she could bring herself to ask.

“You asked if I knew what I looked like. I don’t… could you, could you describe me? I wanna know, what I look like. I know it doesn’t matter, but it’s been bugging me since you brought it up.” She huffed, annoyed that she sounded like a child, not a full-grown Jedi Knight who should not be asking silly questions.

“You…want me to tell you what you look like?” Obi Wan seemed a little nervous, and she squirmed, worried she’d made him uncomfortable.

“Yeah, but only if you want to? I don’t really care, it’s fine.” She mumbled.

She jumped slightly when a hand came to rest on her shoulder. She was rolled back over to face Obi Wan, who grabbed her gently by the chin and moved her face, presumably, to face him.

“You’re pretty.” He said it simply and without hesitation.

“You have tan skin and if you look really closely you can see a bunch of small freckles all over your face and neck. You also have this little button nose, that means it’s small and rounded at the end. You’re kind of tall, shorter than me, but still tall. You have long black hair, I guess you can tell it’s straight, since you braid it every day.” He said it simply, listing off her features, he still hadn’t released his hold on her.

He probably had no idea the emotions he had ignited in her with his simple action. He called her pretty, her mother had always said she had a beautiful essence, but only her people could see that, it was nice to know that by human standards she was pretty as well. But that wasn’t what stirred her soul, it was the action of holding her and telling her what she looked like. The idea that he looked closely enough to see her freckles, to not bother to tell her about the texture of her hair, since he noticed she braided it every day. The entire action of describing what she looked like to her set her heart ablaze. She had only one question.

“What are freckles?” She whispered, afraid to speak and break the comfortable silence.

“Oh yes of course! I should have remembered that you can’t see the markings on people faces. Ummm, they’re sort of like flat spots that cover your skin in a darker shade than the base color of your body.” For anyone else the description would have sufficed, but she found herself still confused, her nose wrinkled.

“Spots…?” She felt ridiculous. Like a Padawan still trying to understand the basic principles of meditation.

“I know you know what the night sky looks like, freckles are like that but reversed. Freckles are stars against the sky, but in this case the stars are darker and the sky is lighter.” He sounded proud in his explanation, but she could only marvel at how he compared her to the sky he loved so much.

“And, what do you look like, Obi Wan? She reached out with a hand and placed it on his cheek, trying to figure it out for herself.

He didn’t move from her hand, and she could feel the corner of his mouth rise.

“Well I’m devilishly handsome, of course. Taller than you but shorter than Anakin, I have pale skin, blue eyes, and blond hair.” He chuckled lightly.

Silla cracked a smile, she couldn’t imagine being happier. She was lying next to her partner, underneath the sky they loved, he was telling her about their physical appearances, resting comfortably almost rapped in each others’ arms.

“Obi Wan I…” She started.

“Hmm? What is it Silla?” Obi Wan removed his hand from her face and shoulder, she found herself desperately missing their presence.

“Thank you.” She finished, truly meaning it, but at the same time she knew what she had meant to say.

This was the second time she’d almost confessed, the second time she almost said it out loud, but once again she found herself unable to follow through. That was fine. They were friends, and she valued their friendship more than she could express, it wasn’t something she wanted to lose based on a feeling that could easily be hidden. She was fine with simply being his friend, what more could she ask for?

_I love you_

With a wince of pain and a hollow thud, she heard more than felt her body hit the floor of what had become her cell on General Grievous’ ship. She could tell only by the smell of her blood lining the floor, as well as the fading sheen of organic matter that lingered in the air around her. Considering she was the only fully living creature on the ship, she knew it must be hers.

She couldn’t feel anything, her hearing was fading in and out, and since she was surrounded by solid metal, she couldn’t see a single thing. She was trapped here, and unless she figured out a way to see, her chances of escape were minimal. But Obi Wan had seen her, he knew where she was, and she knew he wouldn’t stop until he got her back. He was her only hope.


End file.
